Crushing Your Limiting Beliefs: How to Manage the Judge Saboteur

What is a Saboteur?

Saboteur thoughts are negative and self-defeating beliefs that can undermine a person's confidence, self-esteem, and ability to succeed. These thoughts are often formed as a result of negative experiences, messages, or feedback that a person receives throughout their life. 

Saboteur thoughts can show up in childhood as a result of criticism, bullying, or pressure to conform to certain standards. In adulthood, these thoughts may manifest as imposter syndrome, fear of failure, or self-doubt. 

The Judge

The Judge saboteur is a negative inner voice that constantly criticizes and judges us, often causing feelings of shame, guilt, and self-doubt. This saboteur is formed as a result of societal and cultural norms and standards that we internalize from a young age. 

The Judge saboteur can show up in various forms, such as self-criticism, perfectionism, and self-doubt, and it can impact many aspects of our lives, including our relationships, work, and overall well-being. 

We all have a Judge saboteur to some extent because it is a natural part of being human. 

The Judge saboteur can show up in three main ways: self-judgment, other-judgment, and circumstance-judgment. 

Self-judgment involves harshly criticizing and holding oneself to impossibly high standards, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. 

Other-judgment involves judging and criticizing others, often leading to negative thoughts and behaviors towards them, and damaging relationships. 

Circumstance-judgment involves judging and criticizing situations and circumstances, often leading to feelings of helplessness and frustration. 

These three forms of the Judge saboteur can impact many aspects of our lives, including our relationships, work, and overall well-being.

Karen

My coach, Ryan, first introduced me to the concept of a "judge," as he could hear my judge showing up frequently during our coaching conversations. Together, we worked on personifying my judge and creating an image that I could recognize. That way, each time it showed up, I could recognize it, think about what purpose it was serving, and then dismiss it.

My judge's name is Karen. For those of you who don't know Karen in the restaurant world, Karen is associated with the kind of person who demands to speak to the manager in order to belittle service workers. My Karen has a short, choppy blonde haircut and is always dressed up, but in a trashy kind of way.

In 2020, Karen became widely known in the restaurant industry when Domino's Pizza had to issue an apology for a promotion it ran in Australia and New Zealand offering free pizza to “nice Karens”.

Karen loves to point out my flaws and shortcomings, nitpicking whatever I do. She doesn't hold back with her criticism of me or anything else that she deems isn't up to par- from how much effort I put in at work compared to others around us, all the way down what size clothes fit perfectly on me. 

Karen has always been quick to pass judgment on my peers, going so far as to single out those whose skills and aptitudes mirror my own. Her tendency towards harsh criticism rather than collaboration reveals a deep insecurity that is likely rooted in self-doubt.

Karen has a nasty habit of undercutting any confidence that I have in myself. With her constant reminders that others around me are more knowledgeable, she plants the seed of doubt and intimidation into my mind - no matter how much effort or dedication is put forth, it will never be enough.

Managing your Judge

Managing the Judge saboteur can be challenging, but there are several effective ways to do so. 

We can be our own worst enemy, but it's important to recognize when we've been invaded by the Judge Saboteur. Try giving this inner critic a name and envisioning its features- ask yourself "What does Karen look like?" 

By taking time to identify your judge and seeing it as separate from you, you have begun an empowering journey of self-awareness!

Mindfulness techniques, such as meditation or deep breathing, can also be helpful in managing the Judge saboteur by increasing self-awareness and reducing stress. Finally, seeking support from a therapist or coach can provide additional tools and strategies for managing the Judge saboteur.

One exercise to manage the Judge saboteur is the "compassionate self-talk" exercise. This involves identifying a self-critical thought or belief and reframing it with a compassionate and supportive statement. 

For example, if the Judge saboteur says "I am such a failure", one could reframe this as "I am doing my best, and I am learning and growing every day". 

Practicing this exercise regularly can help to rewire negative thought patterns and promote self-compassion and self-acceptance.

Learning how to manage your judge saboteur is like catching an interception on the football field. You see something coming toward you that is not meant for you, you take control of it and then make the decision to start moving in a positive direction that leads to success.

When Karen shows up for me, I take a second to realize she is in the room, thank her for being there and then tell her to “fuck off.”

Your saboteurs will always be a part of who you are but you can take control over how loud their voices are in your head and how big a part they play in their role in your life. 

If you are interested in learning more about Saboteurs and the 9 accomplices to the Judge,

check out Positive Intelligence’s saboteurs assessment.