🌱Advocating for Myself: Reclaiming My Confidence and Strength
A 3 min read.
The turning point in my career came during a one-on-one meeting with my manager, Richard, that left a lasting impact on my confidence. Richard had arranged to meet me in a small room in our shared co-working space. His first words were, “I don’t know how to communicate with you,” before he handed me a document—my first performance improvement plan (PIP). Traditionally, a PIP is designed to provide support for employees by outlining clear, achievable goals, tools, and resources. But this PIP felt more like a weapon than a supportive document.
Richard was using the PIP as ammunition, laying out a clear message that my job was at risk if I didn’t meet his target for lowering actual versus theoretical food costs. This was shocking, considering my positive performance reviews and the praise I’d received for my role in successful restaurant openings. I had even earned raises and was encouraged to further develop my skills in our new systems. Yet here I was, facing a potential job loss.
In our organization, PIPs had typically been a last-resort measure, something we used to legally protect the company when an employee’s performance wasn’t meeting expectations. I had prepared PIPs for managers before, always ensuring they understood the support we could offer and that our goal was to help them succeed. But this was different. Richard’s approach felt harsh and intimidating, offering no encouragement, tools, or plan for regular check-ins. By the end of the conversation, I was visibly shaken, holding back tears as he asked me, “How does this make you feel?” I replied, “This feels like shit.” That seemed to be his intention.
I left work that day devastated and numb. Overwhelmed by stress and self-doubt, I went to a bar to quiet the judgmental voice in my head that constantly told me I wasn’t good enough. For the first time in my career, I had a leader who didn’t believe in me, and it took a toll on my confidence. Despite this, I resolved to prove to Richard and myself that I was capable. I would bring down the food costs and show him that he couldn’t define my worth.
If stress and self-doubt are taking a toll on your performance, I can help. Let's connect at christinlmarvin@gmail.com
Embracing Resilience
Over the next ninety days, I leaned on my colleagues, Steve and Randy, and focused intently on our food cost metrics. Together, we reviewed invoices, performed inventory, and analyzed ordering and receiving practices. With the support of my team and a strategic approach, I managed to meet Richard’s target. When the time came to review my progress, I walked into the office, presented my results, and left with my job intact and my salary adjusted. It was a hard-won victory and a turning point in reclaiming my confidence.
Shortly after, Richard left the company. His parting words? “You’re going to hate my replacement.” I saw this as a reminder of the toxic approach I was moving away from and the type of leader I never wanted to become.
A Lesson in Leadership and Self-Advocacy
Looking back on this experience, I gained valuable insight into the kind of leader I aspired to be. A supportive leader builds strong relationships based on mutual respect, offers guidance, and communicates openly. Employees thrive in environments where they feel valued and encouraged, leading to higher engagement, stronger morale, and a sense of purpose. Richard’s departure was a relief, but the lesson he left behind was priceless: leadership can either build confidence or break it.
If you’re struggling with self-doubt or facing a challenging leader, know that your worth isn’t defined by others’ opinions. Advocate for yourself, trust your abilities, and seek environments that encourage your growth. Building your confidence begins with believing in your own value. I'm here if you need help. Reach out anytime at christinmarvin.com/contact
P.S.
For more leadership development, here are some additional resources for you:
My book, The Hospitality Leader’s Roadmap: Move from Ordinary to Extraordinary will be available on Amazon October 15th in paperback, ebook and audiobook.
Tune into the Restaurant Leadership Podcast Episode 32 : How to Lead with Clarity : 5 Strategies for Effective Restaurant Management
Contact me for a strategy session about overcoming your biggest challenge at christinlmarvin@gmail.com and start transforming your mindset, your restaurant, and your life today!
