How to Get Sober with Your Spouse
A 2 min read.
Tyler, my husband, and I first crossed paths during our college years. Both pursuing marketing degrees, we found ourselves collaborating on a project for Concho e Toro winery. At the time, I was managing a hotel while also studying to become a sommelier and delving into mixology. On the other hand, Tyler was overseeing a restaurant and handling wine procurement downtown. Our connection blossomed over our shared passion for dining out and the art of pairing food and drink.
Post-college, our professional paths stayed grounded in food and beverage— I climbed the managerial ladder in the restaurant industry, while he spent over 15 years selling wine. Throughout, the focal point of our lives remained consistent: food and drink. Our time was often spent with friends at dinner parties, where we would photograph the bottles of wine we enjoyed, or supporting and appreciating Tyler's accounts in Tyler's vibrant culinary scene. We were always eager to be the first to experience the latest bar or restaurant opening in town. Public spaces and our home were saturated with alcohol, a result of accumulated samples and nightly bottles Tyler brought home on the brink of expiration.
The decision to stop drinking marked a significant shift in our lives. We began by parting ways with the 50-plus cases of booze in our house, urging friends to donate them to local restaurants during the pandemic. With alcohol out of the picture, we realized we had to relearn how to navigate our shared activities without its presence. Dining out, spending time with friends, golfing, vacationing—everything we once did with a drink in hand now needed a new approach.
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Our first step was determining how to communicate our decision to friends and acquaintances. Scouring online beverage menus for non-alcoholic options, we sought alternatives that would complement our meals, as we hadn’t lost the desire to pair beverages with our meals. We explored liquor stores in search of non-alcoholic beers, wines, and craft mocktails for home enjoyment and gatherings with friends. Until we felt entirely comfortable sharing our choice publicly, we carried koozies to discreetly cover our non-alcoholic beverages—a minor but necessary comfort at the time.
The most substantial adjustment involved filling the void left by the absence of alcohol. Redesigning our lifestyle became imperative, incorporating activities that kept us active, such as hiking, running, and golfing. Tyler's energetic nature clashed with my preference for unwinding with a book or TV show, so finding common ground required deliberate planning and communication.
Our efforts in restructuring our lives after nearly two decades of shared drinking experiences have brought us closer together. We now make a conscious effort to walk the dogs, explore the farmer's market together, or attend events and festivals. It takes time and effort to redefine a lifestyle ingrained with the influence of alcohol, but the journey has strengthened our bond, improved communication, and deepened our appreciation for each other. The most gratifying aspect is the shared memory of each meticulously crafted new experience, something we both treasure.
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